changing

I'm going to try real hard to change. Let me explain please. I finally made myself go to my grown kids, and at a great risk to what they might say, I told each one individually I missed them, I loved them and know it must be my fault so if they would just tell me outright what the problem is I would try my best to fix it. I never see them unless I go to them and never hear from them unless I contact them. I lost their momma and now I'm losing them and don't know why.  Here is what they told me.
 The first one said because its always about me. I said I don't understand please explain. So told me I always complain about missing their mom, or I always feel sorry for myself. they were sick of hearing it. They don't want to hear how bad I feel, only talk about current events, something good or just whatever.They still loved me but didn't want to hear about how I feel anymore. I thought sharing my feelings with my own kids that they would try and understand and help me to get better, but I was wrong, They think everybody should keep it to themselves and not share what is bothering them even with closet family. I guess that's why they haven't called or come by in about two years.
 I will try to keep it to myself now. I will try to keep things brighter and upbeat. I thought they would feel sorry for me and try to help but it only backfired on me. Funny thing is I like to hear what's bothering someone and I always try to help if I can. I guess I'm the only one who feels this way. Then they said they are busy with jobs and family of their own except for Friday nights when they meet to have a party. I said I understand about raising kids and working but I always drove 28 hours twice a year to be with my folks, they live about 20 minutes away and can't see me even once a year? I don't understand how you can say you love when you don't show it. But I miss them apparently more than they miss me and I will try very hard to never tell them any problems and always be happy around them if that is what it takes. I don't mean to be kissing their ass but I guess sometimes you do what you got to do. I think this is another reminder to me that people no matter who they are don't really care how you are doing. Not just them but other people I know. I have the problem not them. I apparently care more than everyone else, so from now on I will try not to care so deeply and be more light hearted. I am not sure how to achieve this change but I will give it the old collage try.