Passing of life into....

I received a phone call from Mobile the other evening to inform me that my nephew Chris Hubbard, my late wife's sister son, had passed away suddenly. He was talking on the phone, had trouble breathing and suddenly fell over dead. He was like his Mom , very overweight. The young man was not even 40 yet, 6'9" over 500lb. He was the only person I kept in contact with and him with me, from her side of the family and I will miss him. He always loved my music and encouraged me to do more. He told me every time he hears me playing he thinks of being up here when I would play the guitar and have a sing along. Good times, good memories. He even wrote the below statement to me awhile back and it really touched me, choked me up. He was a gentle giant and when he was growing up spent some summers with us, I never realized how much I or they meant to him till we started writing and calling each other. Sometimes you never do know how much you have affected someone else till years later.I just had to share this with you,

YOU KNOW WHAT, I NEVER TOLD YOU THIS, BUT IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME I WOULD WISH I COULD HAVE HAD A DAD LIKE YOU. I THINK YOU R A AWESOME ,FAIR AND KIND LOVING PERSON I'M SURE MY AUNT ROSE WAS A HAPPY WOMAN SHE IS LOOKING DOWN ON YOU AND SMILING ......LOVE YA LOTS

thinking back to the days of the big family trips to Prattville to visit i could remember when jimbo would come over and have a few drinks and laugh and carry on maybe i was too young then to see the problem but i've never known you to loose your cool, I've always looked up to you just for the simple fact of how involved you were with Jr Vince and Ann. Love ya Unc. 

seeming aggravated

 I met Donna as she was backing towards the garage, she looks at me with a surprised look on her face and I say "Let's go" she says "where?"  (seeming aggravated). I say to planet fitness, the special we have been waiting for expires tomorrow so lets go right now. Then I see the storm clouds gathering in the car. Long story short, she refuses to go, says she hurts to bad and will join once she feels better and that I am harassing her about it. I say you agreed to go with me and work your upper body, it will help you lose weight and your knees will feel better, but if you are not going to go like you agreed, ok,I have heard all this from you before but I want you to know you let me down and I am disappointed in you , but never mind then, I still love you. She says "I don't love myself right now or anymore", I ask what happened to you? You have a bad day? She says "I always have a bad day at work since they changed everything" 

   Once in the house she lays down in bed, I go to living room and think to myself, I am not going in there and she can just cry or pout, whatever. I get me something quick to eat and about 1 1/2 hrs later I see her cooking peppers and onions for her supper. The rest of the night is quiet between us. 

  I can't make her, if she won't help herself I am not going to say " that's ok, poor baby"

 I don't mean to burden you with this. What will be will be, I do what I think I can and leave the rest to her, I offer , if she don't accept or want, I feel blameless , I know I have done everything I can. One thing has changed in my mind since last night, she can get up and move and do for herself from now on. I will not wait on her so much thinking I am helping her to stay off her knees, from now on she can move more and maybe strengthen them. If she hurts more , not my fault, maybe it will motivate her. I try to be supportive but if she now accuses me of pressuring her to do the right thing, I will not mention the gym again. Just sit in your chair or go to your room to sew, sit around all the time, stay fat , do what you want, I am going to do what I want too! 

                 Time for the second cup of coffee and I need to go across the street to Steve's pool and clean the filter basket and get his paper in as him and his wife took a trip with seniors on a bus to Kentucky to see where a  guy built Noah's ark. 

                                Sorry I don't have any uplifting things to write but I know you understand that life goes like this sometime despite your best efforts.          

where is the nearest foodstamp office.

Hi again, 

    So I go to take my new resonator to my local trusted guitar man that owns his on shop, but when I get there he is closed. A big note on his door say he won't be back till the 18Th . Arggggg !!!! So I remember another place , go there and it's for music and voice lessons... u turn in the parking lot. Wait, i remember one more I spied a while back, drive over and it's open. Yaa ! I go in and the owner only has one arm. I kid you not, so I think to myself, what do I do? Do I ask anyway but that might embarrass him or make me look cruel. I ask another customer I followed into the parking lot, He is 83 and has bad arthritis but takes a look and talks of the one he had that was very costly but sold it. He said mine was the worse he ever played.  I think " what the hell" so I go in store and ask if he would take a look at my new toy and see if it's worth the money or it's ok since I can't make it sound right. He says sure bring it in. I do and he puts it on a stand to hold it on his counter top, strums and says did you tune it? I said yes, he said how? I said like a regular guitar. He says no you have to tune these to a drop down D ,or a D, or a G. I say now you know how much I know. He tunes it to a open d chord. So when you strum it , just plays a D major chord, then with one arm and quick and nimble fingers, this greasy, long unkept hair man with 3 days growth of beard starts playing it explaining what he is doing very fast and way over my head. Now I know it's ok, it's worth way more than I paid for it he tells me, and he knows they are good instruments. Forget what the old guy said as he only owns top of the line stuff that most people can't afford. I buy a glass slide for my finger so I think it will be better than the 5/8 deepwell socket  from my tool box I was using.( hey it was a snapon) I come home, watch some videos, I am now encouraged. I can play a little , very little , but it's a start. something like delta nigger blues. Oh yeah, I can feel the black part of me wanting to come out  and start swaying back and forth repeating the same lyrics like they do...I got the blues, the mean old woman blues... I got to get into this, maybe I will learn . Now where is the nearest foodstamp office.....

untalented who wishes he was.

yes, I finally have my resonator guitar. I had a lot of fun waiting on it and opening the boxes it came it. It is nice looking and the only guitar I have with F holes instead of the usual round sound hole on the middle. It is heavy, made of bell brass. I am disappointed it doesn't play itself as I cannot. I tried to do the slide thing people make look so easy and I can't get it. I can play it regular style, it has a very unusual sound being all metal except for the neck. It does remind me of very old music. It may have it's uses on different types of songs. I am keeping it as I think it looks so different than most guitars, I am taking it to my local guitar shop this morn and get him to play it for me so I will know the sounds are in there, I just have to try and get them out if I don't tire of trying and give up.

 I also think it might sound good if I have someone playing with me using a regular guitar and see how the sounds mesh together.

I know , people who are really gifted make anything they do look so easy you think you can do that too, till you try for about 15 minutes and feel retarded for even trying.

 Oh well, it didn't cost me thousands, it is different in look and sound and I do have a new toy. Good enough for now.

                     Later on ~ signed your untalented  who wishes he was.

How can I be Duane Eddie with out a guitar?

Yes, I heard the truck outside my home come to a brake squealing stop. I look out my window to see a fedex truck,so Charlie and I go running breakneck speed down the stairs throwing all caution to the wind. A big smile on my face, I say in a joyful voice "It's here, Yea! " to Donna who sits undisturbed in her recliner watching tv. I throw open the door as the man rings the bell only to see a box about one foot square. The smile on my face instantly turns into a furrowed brow asking myself what is this? Did they send me a miniature guitar? Oh no ! No wonder I got such a good price. I feel the anger building in me, what is in this stupid little box where my guitar should be? How can I be Duane Eddie with out a guitar? So into the kitchen I go, Charlie in tow to see what's in the box. I open it to find some pop bubbles ,which I gladly give to Charlie so she can tear and shake and pop them with abandoned. I find a 45 count box of tall garbage bags which I ordered a while back. I try in vain to maintain my happiness by strumming the new bright yellow box, I think , maybe put rubber bands on it? nawww,,,, the smile and happiness is now gone from me, I will wait for the real thing. Losing this battle but not the war, I return upstairs to my mancave and cup of lukewarm coffee to continue my vigil.... more later as the situation develops...

Donna seemed ok

Donna seemed ok when I told her about the new guitar, then she surprised me by saying she was proud of me for actually buying something for myself. Cool! I buy something because the little kid in me wanted it and didn't need it and she acts like I done good thing. Who would have thunk it?  I am like a little kid waiting on Christmas, supplier sent me an email this morning telling me they shipped it and it should be here Monday. This is fun. The best part is anticipating it's arrival. 

That's ok I am getting old also, as yesterday when I was talking to a rep where I bought it online I asked would it sound ok to just strum and do so light finger picking with like John Denver music. He said "WHO?", never heard of him. I said ok how about James Taylor type songs, " I don't think I know him either"  he replied. But then again this doesn't make me old, it makes him ignorant, especially working at a music store, huh? ha ha...

 Oh , I can't say this is for my birthday as I am buying me the newest version Xbox and Oled high def 4k TV to go with it for that. ha ha....(that durn little kid in me made me preorder it)

I hope

I hope Donna doesn't kill me, I just ordered my first guitar off the internet at a big store in NY. ( I'm all excited) I have always been curious of a resonator guitar, I know most people play it with slide but maybe I can pick it like I play. It was on a one day sale and a great buy. Should be here Monday or so. Ha ha... I spent some money on something I don't need !  I just want a new toy. It has a all metal body. I remember seeing and hearing Uncle Clyde's  at his home with Aunt Garnet when Dad took me over there with my first guitar that got caught in our house fire. Dad called it a Hawaiian guitar, this one is oxblood color. 

   Really she will not be mad, I know because we were at a guitar shop awhile back and she just about told me to buy one if I wanted it. Well I saw it on sale and wanted it!  Close enough huh?

 One strum of the Honey Dipper Round-Neck Resonator Guitar transports you back 80 years to a hobo jungle just off the tracks, where wandering workers congregate in camaraderie and the comforting and captivating strains of a real all-metal resonator guitar waft through the smoke of oil-drum fires and enchant the ears with a sound like raindrops beating on a rusty pump house roof. 

The very sound and look of this fine Gretsch creation will make you want to free yourself from the damning confines of your office, your cubicle or whatever it is that enslaves you and hop the next train to anywhere with a smile on your face as big as the sky and a song in your heart. Limited Edition - 300 pcs Worldwide. Case sold separately. 

I can get a case later.Limited edition, ooooohhh... a smile on my face as big as the sky...yeah I like that.

hasn't happened very much

This is a short note to tell you something that hasn't happened very much in my lifetime. I was talking to my brother the other day and after listening to his efforts and problems of trying to get the house he wants, just out of the blue, He tells me I am a good brother. I ask ,"ok what did I do deserve this". He answered , I don't tell you that very often and I should say it more, but you just are, like the other day when you researched and sent me a link in an email where a good tv shop is that sells and installs in the norfolk area. That is what I mean, I told you I didn't know where to go to and didn't want to go to Best Buy and you did this for me. 

    this meant a lot to me. Yup, a good feeling.

Sometimes we go through a dry spell then all the sudden three times in the same week from three different people you hear how much you mean to them , or you are a good person.  I am blessed.

       By the way, Monday weight in, drum roll please...... Donna lost 2.4lb.... yea ! It's a start. As far as I can tell she is on the program.

snippet of my life

what Donna wouldn't like, the other day her older sister asked me to find a battery for her Iphone as she thinks I can find good deals. Well I did find and ordered one and when I received it yesterday I sent Juanita a text saying I have it and would give it to Donna to bring it to her.( Donna works not to far away from her) Well, Juanita texted me back saying " Well you sweetheart, I will trot up next evening to see you guys and get it then." So  I speak into my phone to send her a text back rather than typing saying" ok darling see you tomorrow night." Donna , who says she never gets jealous, Perked up in her chair and asks me " just who are you calling DARLING ?"...... ha ha..... I laughed and said  "your sister" She called me sweetheart so I can call her darling!

 At the same time Brittany ( Cindy's daughter who stayed with us for over two years) started sending me texts and pictures, asking what kind of plant was in her new yard as she keeps weedeating it down but it grows back. I replied it was one of my Momma's favorite bushes that flower, a hydrangea, and to let it grow as it is real pretty, it's name must be Conner ( Britt pulled for Conner in the fight just on tv but he got beat, but kept coming back). Then I get a phone call from her, she was just laughing away at me calling that plant Conner, Tells me that I am pretty funny, and says "ok , I now have a plant named Conner and will try not to kill it with my  brown thumb. "

 Donna asks, now who was that calling you? I say Britt, Donna says " you talk to my family more than I do!"

                                  I just smile.

 

(just a snippet of my life) 

Weight loss

I think I am making headway with her, slowly, not to preach or bug her but I think my hands on approach is working. Time will tell as we both know.

  I got her to weight this morning after her shower so we officially start today with watching numbers every Monday.

 I have been busy with reading weight watchers books, figuring how to incorporate it into our daily meals without a lot of work or fuss. So far so good. I have been watching out the corner of my eye as to what she eats and she is trying once again. We had another long talk and I tried to get it to sink in that I can't do this, she has to, but I can help. I want her healthy and be able to do more with her life.That I care and don't want to bury another wife. I remaindered her of her telling me before we were married that she was going to lose weight and be skinny for our wedding, , this got to her, She asked so you wouldn't have married me unless I was going to lose weight? I said , I am just reminding you of what you said to me. I told you I would not smoke or drink again and I haven't. You have tried to lose weight , but haven't , I didn't just try, I did , so can you. I know you have but you always break weak and go back to eating wrong. I still have the only bottle of whiskey my momma ever bought me and haven't taken a drink of it in 23 years, and I could have made a lot of excuses to kill it, Rosemary passing, momma and daddy, my kids not coming around, My job was so bad I quit after 32 years, I still have nightmares waking me up at night. I have had lot of excuses, but I also know what I want to do and not do with my own body. I do this . I do. I am not a strong person but if I can make my mind  up to do something and do it, you can to. I am not threatening to leave you ,but wouldn't you if I started back drinking? Don't you want the best for me? Ok I want the best for  you in return. We are a team, we are married, we are together, what I do affects you and what you do affects me. You know what to do, you are a strong independent woman, you can beat this, it's all in your mind. I have told you numerous times before , (Gosh Louise) I will do anything to help you, but I now realize I can only help.After she stopped crying she  seemed to realize I am doing this out of love. For now anyway she is on board.

George Bailey felt

Now I Know how George Bailey felt in "It's a wonderful life" .

  I have been thinking of some floor mats I left at Reynolds mill so while I was in town just a bit ago , I decided I am strong enough and can now handle this , so I drove over to my old home. The yard was overgrown, my rock driveway I worked so hard on was all grass and yard, my old bass boat was near the front of the house rotting away and someone had taken the trailer it was on and left the boat in the yard and spiders and wasp had taken over the front porch. I noticed a front window still half open just like I left it. What once was my home for over 25 years , full of life ,I had a loving wife and 3 kids ,is now just a ghost house sitting there not being used or kept up.

  Yes , now I know how George Bailey felt when he went back to his home but he had never been born so it was all a wreck.  

 Seems like something is trying to tell me something but I can't quite grasp what it is.

Fathers Day

Well today is fathers day , it's raining, gloomy and nobody gives a shit about me. Raise 3 kids , give them all you can , love, food, clothes, support, even give up having 3 of your own blood to help raise them with their mom, what do I get for Fathers day? A stupid text. not even a phone call, asking for a visit is like asking for the moon.  Not even 1 phone call all year. Its going to be a depressing day, "Happy Fathers day" yeah, right, it was when mine was alive, I always visited him and called, it is called love and respect for someone and I thought I instilled that quality in my three but they just give me a text, "Happy fathers day. I love you"
 Bullshit ! If you love me, this is all you can do to show me? Edward senior did that much for them and now they are doing it to me. I might as well be dead to them. What a sucky day.
 Oh and I won't even go into the wife is pissed at me for something I didn't do and gives me that old asshole line"well if you don't know I not going to tell you  shit.
 Did I mention I feel like a load of steaming dog shit right now? Who cares about it unless they step in it, that's me.

OK, It's now a few hours later and I'm feeling better about myself. My Daughter Ann called me and we had a good long talk and I told her I appreciate her calling me so much, she doesn't know how much it meant. Then my new son Freddy stopped by for a visit (his real Dad is dead) and he even brought me a father's day card ! So maybe I am not a steaming pile of dog poop after all. Just need someone to tell me they care every once in a while.

Wedding

Donna and I made another trip to Va. put 1600 miles on the Lexus with no tickets and no troubles. We stayed on the 10th floor of the  Renaissance  motel in Portsmouth overlooking the Harbor. Nice view of some tug boats, warships and ferries. We felt like big niggers staying in such a fancy place and we really enjoyed it. The guy doing the wedding service really screwed it up, he  forgot their names, forgot to pronounce them man and wife and even forgot the ring  part. I am now able and legal to marry people but haven't yet as part of me was scared to offer but after seeing how bad this man screwed up I feel ok about it now, I couldn't do any worse, ha ah! the bar of standard has been lowered a lot.
   Afterwards the DJ was most like most I have heard, sounded like a dj on an old AM radio show and could barely understand them. They played mostly new jungle music but one of my nieces urged me onto the dance floor and we had fun anyway! It's been about 20 years since I have danced but did pretty good if I do say so myself. Later Donna and I were just about to turn in at 11:30 when we got a phone call from downstairs, some  People asked if I would come outside on the patio and play my guitar and sing for/with them. Naturally I jumped at the chance since I never get the chance anymore to play in front of people. Boy did we all have fun, they were requesting all different kinds of songs and I did them! It was really cool, they sang along and everything! We stayed out till about 2:30. What fun ! They actually liked my playing and singing , one couple even said I had a Merle haggard THING GOING ON WITH MY VOICE.  ha...what a compliment !
 Before we left we offered two of our  granddaughters to come and stay at our home and watch our dog Charlie but both didn't want to. We thought they would jump at the chance to make some extra money and have a big house all to themselves but we were wrong. So instead Charlie stayed at the vets so they made a easy $185. We would have much rather paid either of our granddaughters but oh well, what can you do but offer?
 I have decided to redo my home's front flower bed and all my work is paying off, it really turned out pretty, I also put some tomatoes and peppers out back. I grew the peppers from seeds out of a big yellow bell pepper we ate that I bought at Walmart and saved the seeds. So now we have bunches of little green tomatoes and even some little peppers.
   The trip was fun seeing my extended family but it's nice to be back home again.