How can I be Duane Eddie with out a guitar?

Yes, I heard the truck outside my home come to a brake squealing stop. I look out my window to see a fedex truck,so Charlie and I go running breakneck speed down the stairs throwing all caution to the wind. A big smile on my face, I say in a joyful voice "It's here, Yea! " to Donna who sits undisturbed in her recliner watching tv. I throw open the door as the man rings the bell only to see a box about one foot square. The smile on my face instantly turns into a furrowed brow asking myself what is this? Did they send me a miniature guitar? Oh no ! No wonder I got such a good price. I feel the anger building in me, what is in this stupid little box where my guitar should be? How can I be Duane Eddie with out a guitar? So into the kitchen I go, Charlie in tow to see what's in the box. I open it to find some pop bubbles ,which I gladly give to Charlie so she can tear and shake and pop them with abandoned. I find a 45 count box of tall garbage bags which I ordered a while back. I try in vain to maintain my happiness by strumming the new bright yellow box, I think , maybe put rubber bands on it? nawww,,,, the smile and happiness is now gone from me, I will wait for the real thing. Losing this battle but not the war, I return upstairs to my mancave and cup of lukewarm coffee to continue my vigil.... more later as the situation develops...