I want to just give up

I want to just give up on everything in life sometimes. Seems like no matter what I try to do its always wrong, esp. when it involves helping other people not myself. If people need my help why don't they just ask me? Why do they only think of themselves and their problems and expect me to read their minds and know what they want me to do? Are they to proud to just ask? I ask when I need help, do they really think they are that much better than me? Don't they ever think I have other people in my life doing the same thing to me ? Like if I help Joe then I have to help Mary and if I help her then I have to help Sara, and it goes on and on.Seems like everyone wants help but they don't want me to be part of their life or process to help them, they already know what's best and don't want this fools advice only his money.But when I need something, everyone is to busy to be concerned about me or what I am going thru.Why don't they ever offer help to me? Am I not still alive? If I am still alive then I have problems. Don't they think I might need help ?Where were they when I was going thru the hardest time of my life and needing someone and asking for help? Were they out of town or off the planet? I Guess everyone thinks someone else will come to my aid and they don't have to care or worry about me because someone else will . But nobody does and it leaves me all alone and empty. Sometimes it seems no matter what I do, I do it wrong and just by caring and doing something, but because I didn't do it the way they expected , I am wrong and uncaring and a terrible failure. Sometimes I wish I were dead. Sometimes I feel like I screw up no matter what I do. If I were dead , I wouldn't disappoint anyone ever again. I wouldn't have my feelings hurt , not that they care about them or me for the most part, But at least I wouldn't hurt anymore.Sometimes I want to be a hermit, but being a hermit sounds lonely and I don't like that thought. My Dog loved me no matter what! But he died and I miss him and his love for me. I think there is only one person in this whole world full of people that really loves me but I screw it up with them too sometimes.These are my thoughts at the moment and not yours and I sincerely hope they are never your thoughts cause I wish they weren't even mine , but they are and I have to deal with them.
It's a cold and dreary Monday morning with a steady light cold rain falling and this isn't helping my mood at all, But I am dry, I do have my hot , (well slightly warm now) cup of tea , and my favorite chair and this is my blog so I can write anything I damn well please too!